Bite Size Resolutions

Hmm, I have been pondering my new year's goals/resolutions for the last week or so. Goals are something I think about, write down in my journal and try to achieve each year. Mostly for the past 26years they have revolved around savings, getting a home, winning a sales award, exercise and maintaining a regular spiritual practice. My mom, who had just read an article on the matter of goals, reminded us the more specific the goal the easier to measure and achieve. This I believe. However, I also believe, each day is a fresh start and breaking goals down into bit size pieces is helpful. Yesterday, I thought about starting a detox diet to start this week, even before the New Year and then, not feeling well, I just had a piece of toast and some canned chicken noodle soup. Then, I pondered a walk; again, not feeling well, I laid down and rested. My idea for 2012 is to just be present in every day and work on a goal for that day, such as a walk, or making a low calorie smoothie. My goals are still evolving, however, today I feel better, good enough to begin. So just for today, I will write this bite size blog.

The Christmas Eve Program

Each year, for as long as I can remember my family does a Christmas Eve program. In my young years, my mother would organize the program around our talents, including my sisters and me playing Christmas carols on the piano, my brother Patrick playing beautiful violin music, Christopher and Damien doing gospel readings and sharing other assorted "talents" her children have. One year, our brother JP demonstrated how to make luminaries or "luminaries" said with Spanish accent. That year, JP also arranged about 40 luminaries outside our house lighting up the path from driveway to front door. Each program ended with mother telling the story of the Jesse Tree, which our brother Patrick had learned about as a young student and my father leading us in our blessing before our Christmas Eve dinner. As we have gotten older, the organizing baton passed from mother to her daughters and was led by my siblings, mostly Bridget and incorporated the talents of our nieces and nephews. This 2011 Christmas, Bridget, passed the baton to James, our 13 year old nephew. James developed the program with the help of his sister Sarah and brother Matthew. James was our emcee and did an outstanding job leading and adding transitional and thoughtful commentary between each shared talent, including Sarah's amazing singing and sharing of the secret 12 days of Christmas, Matthew playing on his recorder a beautiful song, James and Matthew's joyful singing and dancing to a Chipmunk carol, our traditional gospel reading led by Christopher, "the nun", a nickname we use for our beloved Sr. Anastasia read a reflection, the Candy Cane Christ by Rebecca, the famed Jesse Tree story as told by Bridget, and dad leading us in the blessing. This year had particular reverence. Each of us deeply listening and fully engaging in the program that permeated a true Christmas peace. The depth and beauty of this Christmas Eve tradition inspired me to write this blog. I love every aspect of Christmas but most especially, my favorite, continues to be our family's Christmas Eve program. The spirit of Christmas is alive in my family and my cup overflows.

Mom's Red Book, and My Toile Room

These are the inspiration for my blog today. Here I am sitting in my guest bedroom painted this beautiful warm color called toile and reading through mom's Red Book. Mom's Red Book is a compilation of recipes, prayers, activities and miscellaneous documented rituals we grew up with as we celebrated each holiday "holy" day with intention and love. I opened the book looking for mom's apple pie recipe and discovered that each page captured a memory and a longing to reflect. Our big family of 9 children and our lovely and gracious parents have much to reflect and be thankful for as we prepare for this Thanksgiving. My parents are healthy even as my mother recovers from a stroke she is able to bake pies and be present to my weekly phone calls. My dad is sturdy, intelligent, and will make the Turkey dinner for those in Arkansas from start to finish. This year they will have Jessica, my niece, and her husband Jason and my oldest sister Sr. Anastasia. I am grateful for my family, for Mom's Red Book and the warmth of my little guest room where I often come to sew, read and reflect on the many good things I am grateful for. Happy Thanksgiving week to all.

Beatitude Living

What attitude shall I be? After a restless sleep, my mind kept returning to reflecting on Jesus' eight beatitudes. The beatitudes are Jesus' way of teaching us to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth, building it here by living the virtues stated below. As described by St. Gregory of Nyssa, a mystic who lived in Cappadocia in Asia Minor around 380 AD "Beatitude is a possession of all things held to be good, from which nothing is absent that a good desire may want.

THE EIGHT BEATITUDES OF JESUS
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Gospel of St. Matthew 5:3-10
Rather than being frustrated about certain matters related to work pressures, I will be blessed in reflecting and living the beatitudes. Today I shall hunger and thirst for righteousness for my beloved friend and colleague.

Getting our world back to work

"Work remains a good thing, not only because it is useful and enjoyable, but also because it expresses and increases the worker's dignity. Through work we not only transform the world, we are transformed ourselves, becoming 'more a human being'." From Pope John Paul's encyclical "Laborem Exercens" On Human Work.
As the President of St Catherine's conference for our St. Vincent De Paul Society, our message last night from our manual referred to both Pope John Paul's 1981 message on the value of work and Frederick Ozanam, our founders' 1848 message on the value of work. Our group shared perspectives, all of us agreeing, that today is no different than 1848 when injustices occurred for workers. America recognized the importance of caring for its citizens by instituting our social security program in 1935 and the first checks sent in 1940. As Vincentians, we work to help eliminate the immediate needs of the poor providing food, and clothing and also helping pay rent so that people can remain in their homes. With all this said, the issue that we discussed last night is deeper: People begin to lose their dignity as they remain unemployed. We must work to help people find employment not only for the financial benefits but for the emotional and mental benefits. Employment gets us up in the morning, it calls us to show up and most of all it brings back our personal dignity that enlivens our spirit. The benefits of working are far greater than just the financial implications; employment and productivity can heal the soul.

Hollyhocks - Seed of Life

Several years ago my father gave me some hollyhock seeds which I planted and they never seem to bloom. In fact, I forgot about them. Until this past year, I had a little plant I could not recall what it was but I left it alone. It grew and yet seemed stifled in the small pot. So I moved the mysterious plant into fresh soil and a bigger pot and it grew so tall, I called it my jack in the bean stock plant. My good friend Barbara came by and said it appears to be a hollyhock, however no blooms. And then, one day I woke up in the early morning, as I always do and I glanced outside my window and there were the flowers of the hollyhock. Every morning for the past 4 weeks, I wake up to more blooms. Today, this beautiful flowering plant lifts my spirit and I say THANK YOU DAD for the seeds of LIFE!

Love, Heal and Forgive

Recently I took a break from my day and went to walk the Mercy Sister's labyrinth in Burlingame. In walking a labyrinth one take the journey towards the center in hopes to let go of the "stuff" of the mind and heart that weighs us down and in my case keeps me from being present. My summer has been filled to the brim, so much so, as I feel I am racing from one person to the next and not fully present to anyone. During my walk on this maze with meandering back and forth, I was able to clear my head and as a result I experienced a peaceful calm. I entered into the center where, in this case, a beautiful rock formation sits. I placed my hands on the rock, it was warm and suddenly almost instantaneously my mind was fully conscious to love, to heal and to forgive. It could mean anything to anyone however for me it is gentle reminder that each day and moment we can love, heal and forgive ourselves and one another. I only hope that I can keep this presence of love, healing and forgiveness present to all I encounter today.

Fabric of Life: A reflection inspired from Susie Josten's life

Several members of my family attended our friend and sister-in-law's sister Susie Josten's rosary, and funeral service yesterday and Thursday. It was a blessing to be present. It is clear that Susie's amazing spirit brought our families together both in her life and now in her death. The intersections of how we met Susie and the entire Josten family and many friends present was truly a revelation of the "fabric of life", how woven together we truly are. In 1973 our mother and Susie's mother, Shirley and Mickey were the "tot lot" moms both with their youngest children, JP our number 9 and Susie, Mickey's number 7. Our mothers' bonded as they were much more relaxed than the other moms who were relatively new to motherhood compared to Shirley and Mickey who were finally at ease after 9 and 7 children. As the years went by several of us were in girl scouting together and also attended the same church where Mary, Mickey's 4th child and Damien, Shirley's 3rd child fell in love, and married. Through that connection our families attended many baptisms, weddings and other events together. At Susie's funeral, Bridget and I thought it was unusual that many friends of our older brother Patrick attended. Patrick is 13 years older than JP, and a year older than Damien. What were Patrick and his friends' deep connection to Susie? As it turns out, Susie enjoyed the same music as Patrick, we might even say Susie was a groupie of several of the bands Patrick and his friend were in and or associated with. Another connection was that her best friend Kelly Jones was someone my older siblings babysat along with her brother, something I had not known. It became clear that we have many connections to Susie's life. These few stories of Susie's interconnections made me realize how tightly woven together we all are. The fabric of life is more beautiful with all these connections. As the connections unfolded over the past two days, I saw the fabric of Susie life and all life become brighter. Susie will certainly live on in all our hearts and we are warmer and closer to a "larger universe of people" because of her contribution to the fabric of life.

Sewing buttons and other mending

I had not been particularly productive this past weekend and for some time I have not done any sewing. In my need to get productive, which for me brings energy and great joy, I sewed a button on a pair of pants. With every stitch I found a peace that comes with focus, productivity and deliberate movement in this case moving the needle through the button onto the trouser. I then mended a travel bag that had a little tear and then completed a spiritual reading: Ostriches, Dung Beetles, and Other Spiritual Masters by Janice McLaughlin, Maryknoll Sister and wrote this blog. This all took place between 5:30am and 6:00am this morning. While some dread those buttons that get loosened, I say, bring me your loose buttons and let me get my heart mended and my day started.

Quiet

As I was waking today in the quiet of the morning, I heard birds chirping and rain falling. I realized that in the quiet of my home, nature's music was playing. I enjoy the morning before the busyness of life keeps me from experiencing the beauty of quiet. What is quiet? No noise or is it hearing so deeply that you can experience the beauty of a barking dog, falling rain, cars passing, the breath of life breathing me, my heart beating. For in these few moments as I type and stop to listen to the quiet, I hear the hum of my computer, an air plane passing overhead, and a bird singing. In life's quiet her song plays. I am glad I hear quiet for my mind has stopped racing, my ears are wide open, my heart is singing and I am sure I heard the poppy blooming.

Guiding Principles

Peace, simplicity, love, Christian citizenship and congruence with my values are my guiding principles. I was listening to a tape series recently and the speaker talked about his guiding principles and it inspired me to reflect on what are my guiding principles. While peace, simplicity, love, Christian citizenship and congruence with my values are easier said then done, even as I write them down again, I am able to embrace these to discern and make choices in life. Every day I have options, demands and an ordinary life to live and without having some guide, life can become a state of confusion and chaos. While the chaos seems impossible to avoid at times, at least, with these guiding principles, I can make choices and move in a direction that creates a calm fulfilment. Sometimes I find saying No to many of the options enables me to have peace and conversely saying Yes with intention that this choice is congruent to creating peace, or in line with my values that I have peace too. You see, for me as I make choices and commitments that are congruent with what I value, and that bring peace, simplicity and love to others it returns to me as peace, simplicity and love.

Sicilianaire

Exposing the heart on such a personal level is not always easy. Much of the writing I do is inspired by something I see, not something I feel. Today my inspiration comes from my heart. Joe Romano, my beloved partner asked me, last night," why I never wrote about him in my blog?"
Joe in addition to being a jet engine aircraft mechanic for United Airlines also is owner and Chef of a growing food products business called Sicilianaire. He has bottled two of his family's secret recipes and sells them to such stores as Whole Foods, Draegers and Rainbow Foods, also on-line. Basic Sugo and Caponata are two traditional Sicilian dishes that he grew up with and now bottles for all of us to enjoy. Joe and his brother and sister published a recipe book detailing many more recipes that his mother Josephine prepared for them as they grew up in Sparta, IL. Living with a Chef is a wonderful gift, as I enjoy, on a daily basis, his delicious recipes and new recipes he experiments with as he develops new products and menus.
Ok, that is easy to write about, now the heartfelt love for my Joe. My Joe, as I call him, a name manifested when he called one day shortly after our first date to ask me out on another date. I was not sure who it was, a client or the "my Joe" I had just met online dating. He liked the name, and ever since we have used the possessive my Gretchen and my Joe when we send notes and emails to each other. My Joe is a sensitive man, so much so that he can read my heart better than anyone knowing my mood and feelings, perhaps better than myself. His sensitive way is a great gift for he not only is able to read me; he knows how to soothe my heart when I am down. He is a deep listener, and he is kind and gentle. My Joe and I share a lovely time together in the kitchen, travelling and in our whole life. I could go on and on about my Joe, suffice to say, I love you, my Joe.
PS if you want to see or taste more of Sicilianaire, check out: www.sicilianaire.com

Little Deaths

Maryknoll Sister Luise Ahrens, a former President of the Maryknoll Sisters, who has worked in Cambodia for the last 15 years, spoke last evening. She shared her experiences of her grass roots level help to rebuild a country that had recently been devastated by war. She has been in the convent for 51 years; she wove her stories that often included the little deaths one makes as they engage with people in different cultures. As I understood her to describe: the death of one's own expectation of the outcomes. This concept resonated deeply, as in my own story I think of the many little deaths that make up our life. However, beyond these "little" deaths: deaths of expectation, disappointments, dreams and other losses in mind and heart comes LIFE, the resurrection, and new birth. In new birth, we have possibility, hope and a new slate on which to create. Sometimes we agonize through loss way too long, suffering, instead of letting go and letting God open the gates of heaven to a new life. Many years ago, I was engaged to be married and I was afraid to move into the married life. Fr. Al, the priest who was to marry us, said leaving the single life was a little death and that married life would be a resurrection to something better. Many of you know, I was not able to transition and I lingered in deep suffering and confusion for three years, maybe longer. I continued clinging in my uncertainty of my choice to not get married, and suffered much longer. However, today I am more courageous and understanding, and I am literally resurrected into a better person, more open and thoughtful. That little death took longer then necessary, however, for me that made my new birth sweeter and life more beautiful today.

Seeking simplicity and finding it

I was sitting here pondering a blog and thinking I am seeking simplicity in life and realized that I am finding it. I have been enjoying my garden and the simple beauty of watching the bees and the birds enjoy it too. I have been walking 3 miles to stay healthy and the simple path I take in my neighbourhood. I have been making small baby quilts for friends' new babies and enjoy my sewing room/guest room/warmest room in the house and find that quiet place to be simply heavenly. I have been walking to town to post mail (I love that term, so old fashioned), to grocery shop with my homemade green bag which is actually beige and to do my banking, with the teller I still love people versus ATM machines. I am finding time for my family talking on the phone to mom and dad, seeing my brothers, sisters and their families as opportunities arise and recently enjoyed Easter Saturday with JP, Jonna and the boys and Easter Sunday dinner with Bridget, Amy, Chris, Joe, Kathy, Liza, Donna, Greg, and Lisa. Life can be simple when we slow down, smell the lilacs and roses in the garden and see God in one another and creation.

Lilacs from Sheila

Several years ago my friend Sheila Cerna gave me a lilac clipping from her garden. I took this roughly 8 inch clipping and planted it in my front yard and every year it grows taller and blooms more fully. The beauty of this gift is not only the flower but a fond recollection of the giver, Sheila. I think of Sheila, even in early spring as small buds appear. The garden is a place of peace and new growth. I keep evolving my garden with the help of my gardener, my friends and the time I spend nurturing it with fertilizers, and with love. My garden is a safe haven and this year I dubbed it a healing garden following the death of my cousin Lloyd Lee Lott who I love and miss. I went to his funeral and our mutual cousin Cathy Lott gave me some seeds which I planted in his memory. These seeds she and her children help me obtain from the plant that had come from my grandma Lott. She had given a small plant to Cathy some many years ago. My garden also has 3 statues: 1 St Francis a gift from Sheila's dad Bill, one small Buddha I found in a second hand store and 1 monk I got while travelling with Joe in Austin, TX. My garden has history, and for me it has a heart and I always feel better after being in my garden. All are welcome.

Mardona

Mardona inspired me to write something in my blog this morning. She wrote a Facebook note and said more scratchy notes. So here's to you Mardona. I met Mardona in high school and we became friends and she even shared her clothes with me. I recall a pretty dress she gave to me. Mardona had style and attitude. If someone as Mardona befriended me, well that was cool. Perhaps unbeknownst until this moment of sharing, Mardona made me feel cool, built in me some confidence of coolness and enhanced my high school life. After 30 years we have reconnected via Facebook. Mardona's mystery still intrigues me. On Facebook, Mardona has unusual photos enhanced with artistic flair. Mardona stays connected to many of our other high school friends and through her I have connected to other friends from high school. As I reflect on life and look both in the past and into today, I am blessed to know Mardona and to have her inspire me to put my fingers to the keys.

Leadership from the Best

I am blessed to be part of the St. Vincent De Paul Society, an organization focusing on helping the poor. In my volunteer role, and always with another member, we go out weekly and visit the poor in their humble apartments in order to bring them food, clothing or other necessary emergency assistance. Our Executive Director Lorraine Moriarty, also a Vincentian, and a name we call ourselves in this service established by Frederic Ozanam in 1831 after St. Vincent de Paul who was dedicated to service of the poor. During our board meeting last evening, she moved through a large agenda with ease, coached the new Board President as to the ways of the parliamentary procedures with gentle guidance, and encouraged the group's spirituality with her loving way of being. As I meet many leaders in my day to day work, Lorraine stands out as one of the best. Leadership is something that can be learned and I also believe a vocation. Last night I observed and hope to assimilate two of Lorraine's key differentiators in leadership: commitment and love to a cause and to the people who are part of the cause. Today I will lead with love and a renewed commitment in this service to the poor and in my daily interactions at work and home.

Observing life's joys

Last Saturday our weather in Burlingame was roughly 70 degrees Fahrenheit, lovely as a summer day. My friends Toby, his sister Sheila and her two children and one nephew, Charley, Georgia and Spencer dropped in for lunch and play. While Toby, Sheila and I worked on refreshing flower pots, the kids ran around the yard, and discovered that I have a secret door under my house which leads to a cellar. They peered through a little window that looks into the cellar and asked if they could go see. Joe, my boyfriend went and got the key and guided then into this small room, where once inside, you can actually stand. They played, laughed and found ways to crawl under my house. After at least an hour of fun, they emerged hungry for lunch and wanted only the ice cream which of course Joe served happily. After ice cream they were thirsty and we gave them coke in a bottle, which was also new to them. They happily gulped down the cokes while sitting joyfully on the front porch. Then when it was time to go home, I walked with Toby and the kids to their grandma's house a little less than 1 mile away. The kids chatted, Toby and I had a fun conversation about life, we safely made it across the rail road tracks Toby and I holding each of Georgia's little hands. Georgia was scared and she was happy when she and her brother Charley and cousin Spencer also make it safely across. Then we reached a place on our walk with a small grassy hill and the kids raced up so they could tumble down, you know what we used to do when we were kids. They needed no toys or "stuff" to play with that day, only the eyes to see and the wisdom to play. Life's joys are before us, open your eyes to see and go out and play.

Calling a truce

Over our Christmas holiday there was an unusual tension amongst our adult family members. Little things that normally don't bother any of us escalated into people walking off the basketball court, or shutting down and not talking. After the 2nd day of this building tension, my sister Bridget, tapping into her wisdom, called a truce. It worked. We all just started over, talked, played and it was as if nothing had happened. Joy filled the holiday, we moved forward and that was that. As I reflect on her great insight, I thought about the alternatives of what may have occurred had she not called a truce.
First, had we escalated the tension to a higher degree we may have driven members of our family to just go home early and miss Christmas. We could have continued to spin/weave a story "he said she said", blaming one another or worse cause a long term estrangement from one other. However, none of this happened because Bridget called a truce. We were able to enjoy and appreciate the meaning of Christmas.
I know another family who are also dealing with tension that is escalating. The stories spinning into she does this, why does she do this, she shouldn't do this and on and on. It is clear that this family needs to call a truce.
On a larger scale, the world needs a truce. We have escalated thousands of years of religious differences into war instead of embracing the richness of the religious gifts; love thy neighbour, forgive, and do unto others. I am fretful to mention do unto others, as what I am seeing in the world today is that we don't care enough for ourselves and hence doing unto others is not applicable when we are not even good to ourselves.
Today I call a truce for myself and my community so that we can be together and see that a new day has dawned, life is passing to quickly to hold on to negativity and that in a truce, long term peace is possible.

Sated

My father often says following a meal and in his own practice of healthy moderation, "I'm sated." This expression resonates with me recently, well at least for these first few days of our new year. I am sated and content. This may not seem like a milestone to some, however, over my lifetime I struggle with wanting more, wanting to be the best sales representative, wanting to be able to do it all. Over the past year I have gone back to a prayerful daily practice and this practice enables me to put things into perspective and to find acceptance of what is. While I have achieved many things, my greatest accomplishment for myself today is to say I'm sated. There is enough in my world. This feeling of contentment has also led to peace and presence. Yesterday I attended my friend's 40th birthday party. I had time to be present to many of our mutual friends and not worrying of rushing to another event but just being there and present. The fruit of this sated feeling is a gift that for today shall sustain me.