Little Deaths

Maryknoll Sister Luise Ahrens, a former President of the Maryknoll Sisters, who has worked in Cambodia for the last 15 years, spoke last evening. She shared her experiences of her grass roots level help to rebuild a country that had recently been devastated by war. She has been in the convent for 51 years; she wove her stories that often included the little deaths one makes as they engage with people in different cultures. As I understood her to describe: the death of one's own expectation of the outcomes. This concept resonated deeply, as in my own story I think of the many little deaths that make up our life. However, beyond these "little" deaths: deaths of expectation, disappointments, dreams and other losses in mind and heart comes LIFE, the resurrection, and new birth. In new birth, we have possibility, hope and a new slate on which to create. Sometimes we agonize through loss way too long, suffering, instead of letting go and letting God open the gates of heaven to a new life. Many years ago, I was engaged to be married and I was afraid to move into the married life. Fr. Al, the priest who was to marry us, said leaving the single life was a little death and that married life would be a resurrection to something better. Many of you know, I was not able to transition and I lingered in deep suffering and confusion for three years, maybe longer. I continued clinging in my uncertainty of my choice to not get married, and suffered much longer. However, today I am more courageous and understanding, and I am literally resurrected into a better person, more open and thoughtful. That little death took longer then necessary, however, for me that made my new birth sweeter and life more beautiful today.