Let life become a prayer

Often throughout my life, my prayers would be "please God help them", or "God help me", or asking God to help someone in need. I even recall as a child praying to pass my school tests and never really studying. I just thought God would grant the request. This is a simple example of my hopeful prayer life. Hoping God would answer all my requests. My sister Anastasia used to have a little wooden plaque hung on her bedroom wall that read: "pray to God but row towards shore". Rewritten for me, I guess it would have read: pray to God, but open the text book and study. Truly that plaque was the beginning of the understanding of what we must do as prayerful people. We must act. As I have grown up and evolved in my understanding of pray requests, I am often moved into knowing what to do in order to have my prayers literally answered. For example, I recently saw a homeless man on the streets of SF and began my prayer "God help him have food", and then I realized that he needed food, so I bought him lunch. My request for God to help the man was answered through buying the lunch. This is only one instance, there have been other times where I began a prayer request and knew what to do. When one's life becomes the active prayer, you see and experience the miracle of God's love working. Not all of the active prayer is as easy as buying lunch, but as we practice the easy actions, the more challenging responses seem more possible. I continue to be hopeful in prayer and joyful in action as I let my life become a prayer.

Searching for the star

The season of advent is here, hooray. Advent is a time of preparation for Christ's arrival. I am deeply grateful for understanding and being called to follow the way of Christ. Jesus' way is simple: love thy neighbor, forgive as often as necessary and love God. Christmas season is a beautiful opportunity to practice loving neighbors, forgiving ourselves and those we have hurt and loving God. In this time of preparation, and silent nights, I search for the star that will guide me to those most in need so that I might bring the joy of Christ and God's love to all. I wish you all a holy advent and merry Christmas.

The trouble tree

In my front yard I have a most beautiful deadora "evergreen" tree that has deep roots, a large trunk and branches that reach to heaven. Some many years ago I had read an email that talked of a man that would touch a tree before he entered his house leaving his troubles on the tree. The tree in my front yard has become my trouble tree and when work gives me the blues, or I am upset about anything, I walk out to the tree, place my hands on it and let the tree absorb my troubles. I always feel better after touching the trouble tree. Some days I just touch the tree on my way to the car so that the day just starts on the peaceful note. I guess I imagine the trees deep roots can take my problems and bury them deeply. Something about that tree reminds me of God's forgiveness, just touching the tree is the way of God's love and compassion, God forgives each moment so quickly, God renews so tenderly and if only we just believe we are healed we are. Today I need to hug the tree.....

Knowing what I value is my compass to freedom

In order to begin to free myself from the chains of prison: attachments as written about in my previous blog, I am becoming more aware of what I value. Some years ago I wrote a list of 50 things I valued including my faith, my family, my friends, gardening, quiet time, writing and decorating, and ultimately this list I developed over several months has become a compass for the choices I make in life. I choose to sit in quiet meditation as a way of deepening my faith, or taking trips to see family members so as to stay connected. I have even given up job promotions/opportunities that would prohibit my ability to have time for partaking of the things I value. As I continue to move from feeling stuck in my own prison of attachment, I am actually finding that as I focus on what I value I remove the shackles of my need for security and essentially free myself. The journey continues as it is easy to fall back into the trap of clinging to security and locking my own prison door. In reflecting on this blog, I am wondering if the 50 things I value might also be "attachments". This too I will ponder. For now, knowing what I value is my compass to freedom.

Breaking out of prison

On occasion I feel imprisoned by the need for security as defined for me as having a retirement account, healthcare program, a job, and essentially the outward signs of what people might call success. However, there has been a deep yearning within to let go and to live courageously on the edges of "security" into the unknown of possibility. It is as if this security rather than making me feel secure actually keeps me from living fully as I might define by travelling the US, walking in nature, listening to the stories of people, sewing quilts, opening my mind to something more than setting the next meeting, closing the next sale, saving the next dollar and worrying about the future. I keep working up courage in small ways to free myself from this prison I created. The first stage in my process of unlocking the prison bars is awareness to what my security attachments have been and then creating my vision of possibility. This blog will continue as I courageously step through my journey to freedom. Stay tuned.

Be gentle with yourself

Be gentle with yourself was wise advice given to me seven years ago from my colleague, David Cohen. In that moment I felt understood and connected with David and I felt forgiven by the universe. I had broken the heart of a man I deeply loved because of the uncertainty of what I wanted in life as it related to marriage and family. Now seven years later, I still cling to those wise words that David spoke whenever I feel overwhelmed by the world's needs let alone my own personal needs. I find that as I am gentle and loving with myself, I move more easily into the world with compassion, kindness and love to others in a more gifted way. This morning as I fold laundry, organize too much paper work and prepare for a day with my friend and her children, I recognize that God is guiding me to be especially gentle today. I listen with open heart and follow.

Tree leafs change color, fall away and stand silent

Tree leafs are changing color from green, to gold, coral to red and are beginning to fall gently to the ground. The blanket of fallen leafs nourish the soil while the tree stands silent and bare. Our lives are like trees full of color, and yet we experience an occasional fall season; pain, suffering and loneliness and letting go are like the body, mind, heart releasing the suffering like leafs falling. If only, like the tree we can stand naked and endure the silence, we will come to know the depth of growth and the joy of spring. I don't want to rush this autumn season. To stand fully present to the fallowness and stay with it so that in the silence I can know that God is working to prepare my soul for spring. I recognize as I write this, that in my deep faith, this gift of my faith, I can stand naked and silent for I know spring will come again. This is written for Joan and for all who experiencing a fallowness of heart.