Lifting the Veil

My mind has been working this blog entry for at least a month if not most of my adult life. I have touched upon this concept in many of my blog entries but have not developed the depth as the more I ponder it, the deeper the possibilities. Articulating a clear message and or thought seems impossible even now. "Lifting the veil to reveal the Divine SELF" is my journey.

Lifting my veil is harder for me than peering through others' veils. I find that I enjoy knowing the depth of people and longing to help people lift their own veils to reveal their divine SELF. I know that God exists within all and through all, and as I peer through people's veils I see God in all His and Her suffering and glory.

This concept of lifting the veil is not a new concept. St. Theresa of Avila writes about it in book entitled The Interior Castle. She describes getting to know God as a journey through many mansions. My usual way to describe the veil is like layers of crusts or armor on our bodies created for protection from suffering, from a need to control our surroundings and from our need to protect the heart from pain. As we grow from children, these crusts develop as a defense mechanism from the hurt and pain that is part of life and yet these layers hide the beauty that is SELF.

There is a saint called the hugging Saint. They need only come to tiny Amma — the endearing nickname for Mata Amritanandamayi ("Mother of immortal bliss"). This woman from India, in my view has been able to lift her veil and love and serve humanity. Her ability to "literally" touch and hug people into well being is perhaps possible because her Divine SELF is more manifest than her human self. She has been able to remove the crusts and lift her veil to heal and be present to humanity. In reality because she has freed herself from fear, anxiety and a need for control she is deeply rooted into her own humanness. Her self is one with SELF. Jesus is another example who lived with His veil always lifted, perhaps as He was One in being with God the protective veil never needed to be present nor perhaps created.

On our journey to become one with the will of God there is no longer need for any protective coverings. As we move into fullness of being we are able to live more frequently with our veil lifted. As I lift my veil on those rare and yet magnificent occasions, I have experienced peace, joy, healing and an opening of my heart that desires to bring that peace, joy and healing to others. This blog does not even touch the surface of the depth of this possibility. As I lift my veil, I am awakened and yet I run, I soften and yet I tense, I seek and find in quiet moments until I let the chaos of life lower my veil again and again. I persist even as I run away. Is it I or Thy that is awakened, softened, finding and persisting?

Walking into communion with God

I continue to walk almost daily and find the joy of the walk increases with every step. My walk typically begins with my mind identifying all my faults, failings and frustrations, and then walking these off in my attempt to let go. Then my mind move to the requests to God for friends and families to experience health, employment, peace, for the world that needs healing and for the poor that need the basics for survival. From there my mind wanders to gratitude for the birds I hear singing, the flowers I see and the fragrance always present but all unnoticed as my mind was weighted heavily. In the presence of now, I find a peaceful revelation that all is well. As I surrender to the beauty that surrounds me, my mind begins to rest, and my body feels alive. The best part of my walk is usually towards the end as what began in my mind ends in my awareness of the walking and my heart opening in communion with God.

Clarity Brings Energy

Seems as though for the past many months, perhaps even the past few years, I have had a sense of confusion and uncertainty about my life's path. While visiting my parents this last weekend with my sister Bridget and brother Chris, we were all inspired to walk and exercise prompted by parents diligence to their workout regime of walking and riding their stationary bike. My parents are in their 80's and in better fitness and mental health than me and in their vibrancy I became committed to my own physical and mental well being. Bridget and I did a rigorous walk/jog on Friday and Saturday and this morning I did my own forty minute uphill walk. In the process of my walk, I found clarity on many levels and renewed energy for life. I suddenly knew that I would commit myself to my work more fully and even created goals around my sales, financial planning and ultimately began to crystallize an idea for developing a long term charitable giving plan. The walk was invigorating however I believe that the energy was created more from the clarity of having a vision for my life. I used to write and successfully achieve yearly goals and somewhere in the past few years I did not create them as clearly as I once did. The message for my life was clear this morning, with a vision, a plan and goals, life is more fulfilling and energetic. As my walk up the hill was steeper the journey became easier. It was as if with every step my mind found amazing clarity and my energy increased. This inspiration also creates essence and energy my scratchy note today.

My name is Julianna

Last Friday evening our St. Catherine's vocation committee had its annual "happy hour with our Lord" celebration. While cleaning up at the end of the event a little girl, approximately 7 or 8 years old was helping me. I asked her name and she responded Julianna and then asked mine. We continued to clean together for several minutes and I said thank you Juliann and she quickly responded, "my name is Julianna with an 'a' at the end". The next morning I could not help but ponder the authenticity of children who state so confidently their name, their needs and their love without hesitation. Julianna symbolizes for me why God calls us to be like little children. Her authentic self, reflected so powerfully when she reminded me "my name is Julianna." How often do people not remember names upon a meeting and handshake and suddenly the name of the person is forgotten in a moment and we are too fearful of the embarrassment that our memory is that short or that we were not truly listening.

While sharing this story with Amy, my sister's partner in life, she reflected upon the funeral of her neighbor Lee. Lee's granddaughter, a little child age 8, stood up to share a story about her grandpa. The little grandchild did not really know Lee due to some estrangement in the family; however she had received a toy that Lee made for her when she was younger. She said grandpa made me a toy that I treasure for it reminds of him even though I did not know him. This child, like Julianna spoke without judgment or fear. Even Amy admitted she wanted to say something but the fear of public speaking overcame her and she was not able to get up and speak.

Children don't have that fear that occurs as we become young adults and adults. One day we grow beyond the authentic youth of being like little children, "fearless", where we call it as it is with no judgment. We become fear based adults who protect the self. I am sure that there is more depth than I can articulate in this fearless child's statement of SELF; however I will use it as a reminder to fear not as I fondly recall her statement, "my name is Julianna"!

Good friends water the soul and bring to heaven to earth

As I walked the other morning and observed Burlingame's big beautiful trees, I fondly reflected on my past weekend with my girlfriends. As rain and sprinklers provide water for tree growth, good friend are the refreshing water for my soul. This past weekend I was completely refreshed while moving through the most varied and fulfilling times with my lady friends. My yoga students on Saturday morning, all women who come together to practice yoga, bring a deep connection that permeates the large gym and brings calm to whatever may cause us to sway in life. Then Margaret, my former yoga teacher, a woman of wisdom and health treated me to lunch and nourished not only my body but my soul. I came home from both yoga and time with Margaret rejuvenated and was able to garden with ease and joy the rest of the afternoon. In the evening a group of 12 women friends celebrated with Jodi her bachelorette party at Tony and Tina's wedding, an active play where we play invited guests at the reception. Jodi's joy was all of our joy. Sunday came and Joan invited Diane and me to a Pacifica park. The sun shone as bright as can be and we did a meditation on Joan's picnic blankett where the senses were replenished from natures symphonious song including birds singing, the breeze stirring, bugs buzzing and nature fully alive in its glory surrounding us. The day was completed when Diane suggested we do the "eye of the tiger" workout which was a total cardio regime, ending with a gentle yoga practice. The weekend was filled with good friends who watered the roots of my soul, grounding me more deeply into the joy of ordinary life while allowing my soul to climb to the heavens as do the big beautiful trees in Burlingame.

Detachment, so elusive yet leads to true freedom

So many thoughts ideas and ponderings - are these attachments. Writing is an attachment or is it not the writing but the desire for someone to read and comment - oh that too an attachment. Recently my colleague David, in frustration with the volume of work and the desire to take a long break from it all said "why do we do it?" I know why I do, I am attached to the pride of success, the greed of commissions, the fear of losing the job, the need to be liked, my list could on and on to all my attachments. I stepped back after I said that thinking that was it, amazed by the revelation even to myself of how attached I am to feelings let alone the attachment to the material stuff of life: photos, artifacts, trinkets, books, and so many other little goodies I hold dear in this attached state of being. Even my physical body: attachment to being thin, in shape and better fitness, probably not all that bad to desire health. Joe and I often discuss my need to keep my refrigerator purged, cupboards practically bare, this attachment to something around control, I don't even get this attachment? In many of my spiritual readings they discuss detachment as a way to true freedom. I believe this. I long this and for today I will practice abundance, and know that all I need is within and found in bringing a generous heart to all and hope to experience freedom - oh no is that an attachment to an outcome?

Purging

When life seems overwhelming I begin to purge. This includes paper, old files, anything I can find in closets that just needs to go; clothing, containers, old stuff, and sometimes new stuff. Our neighbor whose husband is dying of cancer and is not expected to live much longer is purging her garage, her home and her fridge even as her husband gently rests. Purging is our way of letting go of the stuff of life. Mostly the stuff of life is not material goods found in closets, garages, files and refrigerators, but the mental tensions, frustrations, sorrows, worries, and emotional baggage carried for months and often a lifetime. Letting go of things prepares to let go of the heavier weights of the mind and heart. I reflect on my own purging of things and it is usually when I am sad or worried and in the letting go, the act of getting rid of rid, my mind eases and I can usually find rest in my mind. As our friend Ruth purges her refrigerator and garage, I am aware that her impulsive need to purge things will make space in her heart for all of the goodness and love she and her beloved Lee have known. In the end it is not the material that remains it is a heart filled with loving memories and mind filled with peace.