I wept today, enough to fill the ocean

 I wept today. My mind is clearer now. Tears for the children alone and isolated because of neglect, Covid restrictions or other abuse. Tears for children who hold in their tears because they are told they are "too old to cry" or "embarrassed to cry" or "too tough to cry". Tears for those where the world's harshness as  has locked the tears deep inside.  Tears for suffering of those I love. Tears for the lonely living  in convalescent and assisted living facilities and  hospitals that won't allow visitors or have no one to visit. Tears of of frustration from too much work, complicated working situations and constant technology challenges. Tears for those who have children who are sick and dying. Tears for  our broken world. Tears for our country fighting within itself. Tears for our military personnel  who stand with courage, live with disabilities and die alone. Tears for police, fire and healthcare teams who respond when we are most in need. Tears for our poor in need of food, shelter and clothing. Tears for those who struggle with diseases including mental illness and depression.  Tears I don't even know the source. Tears of relief as my brother and nephew hugged me and encouraged me to cry it out. Tears of joy knowing that I am loved beyond measure by family, friends, my beloved husband and my God. I wept today, enough to fill the ocean. #healing #tears #wept #catharsis

Unfortunately, Fortunately

We took off on our bikes to go play basketball at the local school and unfortunately the school was back in session for a morning preschool program.  Fortunately we had another option and rode to Pershing Park to play basketball and the hoops were blocked with wooden blocks so public could not use. Fortunately we had yet another option. We rode to St. Catherine's Catholic School and their basketball hoops were also "blocked." Fortunately the church was open so we went inside, and our eyes adjusted quickly from the sunlight to church lit only from stain glass. It was quiet, we sang an alleluia to hear our echo, we prayed an Our Father, lit candles (turned them on as this is the new safe way to light candles) and took some photos.  Unfortunately I needed to return home to take an important call. Fortunately it was lunch time so Joe made us BBQ hot dogs and we ate outside.  Unfortunately I ate too much.  Fortunately the boys wanted to ride to Washington Park and keep me in shape and unfortunately those hoops were also blocked. Fortunately enough time had passed so we rode back to the original school and the basketball hoops were open. Finally we got to play basketball and tag and returned home for a yummy dinner made by Joe and Zachary.  Unfortunately the boys go home tomorrow. Fortunately we will see them again soon.  #pershingpark #Washingtonpark #fortunately #stcatherineofsiena

Reflecting on what is timeless.

 I leafed through the pages of a 2008 Country Home magazine this morning. Luann Brandsen, Editor in Chief, wrote in her welcome letter about a time in 1855 when people lived on a small farm home with very little. She talked about the modest way of life based on historical information that had been shared with her.  While we can not go back in time, we can look back at what is timeless. Many of my parents' generation are passing to heaven lately. My mother passed in 2017 at age 92, this week Fr. Gerry O'Rourke, at age 95 and one month ago my friend Kathy Murphy at age 89.  I reflect on their lives and some of the ways I know they lived and what remains timeless. 

On her modest family budget,  Mom created many one pot meals including stews, soups and other recipes to feed her 9 children and husband. We always enjoyed a homemade dessert every night including browning, pies, and cookies.   Our kitchen had enough space for cooking, baking and serving 3 meals a day at our regimented time: 6am breakfast, 11am lunch and 5:30pm dinner.  In this 1600 square foot home we all had beds, closet space and room to play. We never needed more storage as we did not have that much stuff. Our one pot, maybe 2 served us well. We had bikes, roller-skates and of course Milton Bradley board games and cards. In our closet hung 1 school uniform, two white blouses/shirts, one blue uniform sweater and for the girls one pretty dress for Sunday mass and free dress day at Catholic school. Our dresser drawers held jammies and a short set.  We always had something to wear, time for girl scouts, sports and a place at our table to eat family meals together. While mom did call herself taxi driver, her driving extended from home to school as our sports practices, music lessons and scouts were right after school ended and at the school yard/cafeteria and convent. Even with 9 children our lives were not complicated. She had time for us.  Simplicity is timeless.

Kathy Murphy recycled before that word existed. She reduced water usage by watering plants with leftover dish and bath water. Kathy reused fabric for patching holes in pants and shirts. She made quilts and homemade potholders. Her children were able to walk to school and this gave her extra time to do things at home and for others. She and her husband led the marriage preparation classes for St. Catherine's of Siena Catholic Church and both volunteered for 30 plus years with St. Vincent de Paul.  Service is timeless.

While I did not know Fr. Gerry's that well, his ways as a priest were wise and profound. Fr. Gerry often led the 12 noon daily mass where he would speak to us from the pulpit, asking a question and expecting a response. He had beautiful habit of waving to us all at the end of mass and the whole parish waved back. My husband Joe referred to him as our local Pope.  He had a way of engaging in conversations as if you were the only one in the room and with a piercing gaze as if he knew your every thought.  In a reflection on forgiveness, provided as part of his funeral mass, he wrote a process to forgive. No doubt from reading this pamphlet on forgiveness, his insights are grounded in theology, and his own experience as a human and as a priest. Forgiveness is timeless.

I began this blog thinking I would write about the past as in the 1920's, 1930's and 1940's and realize my past  is a reflection on three people's gifts to me.  Reflecting is timeless.

Propagating Plants

Jenny, my former neighbor, taught me how to propagate plants. She obviously was good at propagating as she lived to be 102 and watered her own plants almost to the day she passed away.  Simply stated, she said, "just pick something you like and put it in soil."  It is working, I have propagated many geraniums, honeysuckles and other plants with names unknown to me for the past 15 years.  I just see a beautiful plant, pick a piece, literally take my fingers and pull a clipping. I do this when I am on my daily walk and I come home and plug these clippings into some pot and in days, weeks and years they grow and thrive.  If only we could recognize that secret for ourselves, how to propagate our beauty. Not in the sense of clipping or pulling however in  recognizing my beauty or better said my best self and fertilizing, focusing,  nurturing and becoming my best SELF.  As a cottage gardener I have learned a lot about plant species that I see applies to life as a human species. Pruning brings new life - whether you prune yourself or life prunes you - you can thrive when you recognize that pruning is a gift. Water water water - drink more water and you will thrive. Bloom and see your beauty and know that it too passes so enjoy the blooming period. Be present to this moment and experience growth and know when you need water and fertilizer and care for yourself. Your body, mind and heart call for help. Are you listening? Plants like people are born, grow, bloom, fade, need water and soil and then fall away to seed and come back another day.  Our another day of return will be different, however, I am sure our blooming will be more radiant.  

Rosemary Herb

Fresh picked rosemary herb sits here on my dining table. The fragrance is intoxicating and inviting me to be here in this moment. Rosemary is linked to improving mood, clearing the mind and relieving stress. It is working, I feel better already.  In this moment all is quiet enough to hear the hum of an airplane's engine overhead, the vibration of water pressure from our sprinkler and a loquat seed dropping from the tree after asquirrel finished enjoying the fruit. Our loquat tree has been so abundant as are our pear and apple trees. My pen glides easily as my thoughts flow freely. I feel so grateful for this abundant life. (I am now retyping this into my blog, it's original form was written ion my journal.)  

Last week we took JP's boys on a little vacation that included scavenger hunting for feathers, rocks and creatures and three days of kayaking on the Monterey Bay.  2020 is a year different from all others. It will be remembered perhaps by: Covid 19, Black Lives Matter, Political unrest, Economic downturn, Social Distancing and the year of deep sorrow as family and friends die alone. 

What will we come away with? 

For me: 

1. I will appreciate more deeply time spent with friends and family, long hugs and walking closely together.  

2. I will have deeper respect for all people and especially black people. I have come to see more clearly the suffering they endure because their skin is dark. The roads black people walk, and other races too, have difficult and rocky paths. I will practice using my heart and mind versus my eyes to look beyond skin color, race, and cultural difference to pave clear and smooth paths for all.  

3. I will become a good citizen by educating myself on all sides of issues and being open to others' points of view and voting with new understanding. I will participate more fully as a citizen and as a leader for causes and encourage others to understand, lead and vote.  

4. I will reduce my consumption, realizing consumerism is not all that the advertisers claim. Having  the best home, car, clothes- name it for yourself, does not measure up to the beauty of being with family, friends and neighbors. 

5. I will appreciate walking by neighbors without putting on a mask and making a wide circumfrance out of fear and safety.

In this moment as my rosemary herb heals, I deeply appreciate all that is and all that will be including taking walks, teaching yoga, riding bikes, looking for a pretty rock and floating on a kayak with JP's boys.