I wept today, enough to fill the ocean

 I wept today. My mind is clearer now. Tears for the children alone and isolated because of neglect, Covid restrictions or other abuse. Tears for children who hold in their tears because they are told they are "too old to cry" or "embarrassed to cry" or "too tough to cry". Tears for those where the world's harshness as  has locked the tears deep inside.  Tears for suffering of those I love. Tears for the lonely living  in convalescent and assisted living facilities and  hospitals that won't allow visitors or have no one to visit. Tears of of frustration from too much work, complicated working situations and constant technology challenges. Tears for those who have children who are sick and dying. Tears for  our broken world. Tears for our country fighting within itself. Tears for our military personnel  who stand with courage, live with disabilities and die alone. Tears for police, fire and healthcare teams who respond when we are most in need. Tears for our poor in need of food, shelter and clothing. Tears for those who struggle with diseases including mental illness and depression.  Tears I don't even know the source. Tears of relief as my brother and nephew hugged me and encouraged me to cry it out. Tears of joy knowing that I am loved beyond measure by family, friends, my beloved husband and my God. I wept today, enough to fill the ocean. #healing #tears #wept #catharsis

Rosemary Herb

Fresh picked rosemary herb sits here on my dining table. The fragrance is intoxicating and inviting me to be here in this moment. Rosemary is linked to improving mood, clearing the mind and relieving stress. It is working, I feel better already.  In this moment all is quiet enough to hear the hum of an airplane's engine overhead, the vibration of water pressure from our sprinkler and a loquat seed dropping from the tree after asquirrel finished enjoying the fruit. Our loquat tree has been so abundant as are our pear and apple trees. My pen glides easily as my thoughts flow freely. I feel so grateful for this abundant life. (I am now retyping this into my blog, it's original form was written ion my journal.)  

Last week we took JP's boys on a little vacation that included scavenger hunting for feathers, rocks and creatures and three days of kayaking on the Monterey Bay.  2020 is a year different from all others. It will be remembered perhaps by: Covid 19, Black Lives Matter, Political unrest, Economic downturn, Social Distancing and the year of deep sorrow as family and friends die alone. 

What will we come away with? 

For me: 

1. I will appreciate more deeply time spent with friends and family, long hugs and walking closely together.  

2. I will have deeper respect for all people and especially black people. I have come to see more clearly the suffering they endure because their skin is dark. The roads black people walk, and other races too, have difficult and rocky paths. I will practice using my heart and mind versus my eyes to look beyond skin color, race, and cultural difference to pave clear and smooth paths for all.  

3. I will become a good citizen by educating myself on all sides of issues and being open to others' points of view and voting with new understanding. I will participate more fully as a citizen and as a leader for causes and encourage others to understand, lead and vote.  

4. I will reduce my consumption, realizing consumerism is not all that the advertisers claim. Having  the best home, car, clothes- name it for yourself, does not measure up to the beauty of being with family, friends and neighbors. 

5. I will appreciate walking by neighbors without putting on a mask and making a wide circumfrance out of fear and safety.

In this moment as my rosemary herb heals, I deeply appreciate all that is and all that will be including taking walks, teaching yoga, riding bikes, looking for a pretty rock and floating on a kayak with JP's boys.