Missed Opportunities

So today I ponder missed opportunities when one does not act and then regrets. Sometimes there are big issues such as marriage proposals and other times just getting a chance to go buy a pair of shoes on sale. My nature is to think to much before acting and in the process missing out on some great opportunities. Some 6 years ago I changed all that by beginning to just say YES as often as possible and finding that in my YES's much happens that is good, fun and opens more doors. One big example is leaping into the big mortgage and owning my beautiful little cottage. I was afraid for so long that I would be overwhelmed by the house payment and yet I have grown into it and find my home a great source of joy. Another time my sister needed surgery and what should have been an out patient procedure turned into several days of needed recovery before returning home. She needed someone to stay with her and so without any hesitation I canceled appointments for work and found that staying with Katie became a blessing to my own life, discovering that all things are possible including finding a substitute yoga instructor 2 hours prior to the class. The last and most profound gift of acting quickly was when my Aunt Nadine was dying of cancer and know one knew how long she would live and my mother suggested that perhaps we make visit and so that day I made arrangements to fly down to Southern CA and see her. She died a week a later. To this day, I am so grateful that I acted and did not miss the opportunity to see her one last time in this life. Say YES and find great energy, joy and certainly peace.

Just a Note

Note to Blog - I have not made time to write, but alas I made a commitment to my mother Shirley. I told Shirley I would have an entry today and so here are my random blog thoughts for today. Integrity to your word. If you say you will so something, do it. This is something easier said than done and YES Pun intended. This power of word is to actually live it and it becomes flesh. I told my mother today I would have an entry and so the word has been made into reality by completing this entry. I want to ponder the power of words more deeply and will do so in a later blog entry.

Weeding to Heal the Heart

Yesterday I had a need to dig in my garden, to weed, to prune the plants to dig in the soil and to heal my heart. I was sad over many things which I will not mentioned here in my blog. In the weeding of my garden my soul found healing and peace. This morning I ponder how or why this occurs for me. When I am in my garden time passes quickly, my mind is present to the weeds, the dirt, the need for water and clipping and ideas of what to plant. In these thoughts and work in my garden my heart heals. Perhaps it is a reflection of the paradise the garden of eden depicts. The paradise of life in our infancy and youth when the growth occurred with simple needs as food, water, shelter and play. In the simplicity of the physical labor in caring for my garden wisdom and clarity comes. The joy of knowing these little plants no matter how neglected, cold and dreary they look, I know that they come to life fully and more abundantly with just a little care. So today I meet the world with just a little more care and my healed heart becomes healing for those in the garden of daily life.

My Soul Dances with God

Ah, during meditation this morning which followed by brief asana practice, I seem to be rooted in joy. For as I meditated on my inhalations and my exhalations I breathed in the universe's calm and I exhaled my energetic joy. In the end after brief moments of awareness on the breath, enabling the quietness of my thoughts it was then as though I was dancing with God. I continue to practice a regular meditation period 2-3 days per week and most times the mental chatter takes over, but the more I practice the longer the moments of calm and quiet bring such inner peace. Yet today a joyful energy took over and I danced. The sky is clear, the stars are still visible as our morning dawns, I hear birds singing and I am grateful for today.

Breaking the Crusts

I watch my nieces and nephews grow up and see each passing year their subtle and sometimes outright independence becoming part of who they are. Yet I know that underneath the outer shell of independence is the beautiful child of God that was born with fullness. I also see as my brothers and sisters age we are now 39 up to 51 years and we too have passed the independence to add other layers or "crusts" as I like to call it. These crusts consist of our defense mechanisms that hide the child within. Now my parents who are soon to be 80 and 83 seem to have begun to shed some of the crusts through their own acceptance of what is and through seeing the suffering of human kind including their children's personal sorrows over so many years. I don't like to think the key to cracking through the crusts is suffering, however I am reminded that is was through Christ's cross - his death in humanity that brought back life in the spirit. My constant prayer is that we learn to break through our own crusts through such practices as yoga, breathing, meditation, prayer, walking versus through a major dramatic event. Authentic living for those that don't remember is when you were a child and you cried the instant you were hurt, you laughed out loud in church or anywhere when something was funny and you lived so fully that your energy was unlimited until the moment you laid your head down and fell into a deep and restful sleep. Authentic living, restful sleep comes from breaking the crusts away to reveal the spirit of who you were created to be.

This Too Shall Pass

Life is full of ups and downs and as I ponder various parts of today knowing some of the struggles friends face, I am often reminded of the saying This too shall pass. I have learned to practice distinguishing moments of joy, peace, frustration, anxiety and all my range of emotions so that I can remind myself when the negative emotions arise that these too shall pass and that during what I would consider the more positive emotions/feelings that I relish those and savor them fully knowing that these too shall pass, sometimes way to quickly. Life is made up of moments strung together to create life. Life in it's fullness has peace, dissappointments and anger and love and most of all life gives us new moments even now and now and now.....this to shall pass.

EARN

This morning I read an article in the San Francisco magazine "American Dream catcher" by Chris Smith about the president Ben Mangan and the organization EARN, which stands for Earned Assets Resource Network, a brilliant way to help the poor and lower middle class get ahead. I am inspired by Ben Mangan and the founders of this organization EARN that is devoted to helping people move ahead and have opportunities. My own program started some seven years ago called HEART: Homeless Eat and Rest Tonight has stagnated over the past years or so due to a change in job locations that made it less probable for me to pass by my beloved poor who I gave sandwiches and food vouchers on my way home from work in SF. The range of poverty from zero income "homeless" to low income defined as less that $20K/year is a population we can serve, love and support so that in the hope of tomorrow all will share in the wealth that is not only monetary but a faith in oneself and ability to become fully alive. Thank you Chris for writing about Ben and EARN.

Epiphany

So my second blog to be posted today the day of Epiphany, when the wise men arrive to meet/greet Jesus, our beloved savior. So I begin with my own gift for you who read this blog. Gift giving is not one of my "gifts", I struggle to find the right thing and usually don't find it. However as I evolve both as human and a divine being I come to know that the best gifts are love, forgiveness, companionship, kindness and many other more instrinsic ways of being fully alive with Christ the giver of all. Today I will be with the Murphy's my good friends and surrogate family here in San Mateo, I will spend time with my St Catherine's community at mass and I will be with the women of Elite nails, where I will chat, laugh, rest and have my toes and nails done. So the gifts will be for thee and for me. Be inspired by your own Epiphany!

Scratchy Notes

Jan 4, 2008

So I begin to blog. Just to be blogging. Today the rain falls and the light winds create a stirring that has inspired me to begin a blog. Scratchy.