Friday, October 30, 2009

Breaking out of prison

On occasion I feel imprisoned by the need for security as defined for me as having a retirement account, healthcare program, a job, and essentially the outward signs of what people might call success. However, there has been a deep yearning within to let go and to live courageously on the edges of "security" into the unknown of possibility. It is as if this security rather than making me feel secure actually keeps me from living fully as I might define by travelling the US, walking in nature, listening to the stories of people, sewing quilts, opening my mind to something more than setting the next meeting, closing the next sale, saving the next dollar and worrying about the future. I keep working up courage in small ways to free myself from this prison I created. The first stage in my process of unlocking the prison bars is awareness to what my security attachments have been and then creating my vision of possibility. This blog will continue as I courageously step through my journey to freedom. Stay tuned.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Be gentle with yourself

Be gentle with yourself was wise advice given to me seven years ago from my colleague, David Cohen. In that moment I felt understood and connected with David and I felt forgiven by the universe. I had broken the heart of a man I deeply loved because of the uncertainty of what I wanted in life as it related to marriage and family. Now seven years later, I still cling to those wise words that David spoke whenever I feel overwhelmed by the world's needs let alone my own personal needs. I find that as I am gentle and loving with myself, I move more easily into the world with compassion, kindness and love to others in a more gifted way. This morning as I fold laundry, organize too much paper work and prepare for a day with my friend and her children, I recognize that God is guiding me to be especially gentle today. I listen with open heart and follow.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Tree leafs change color, fall away and stand silent

Tree leafs are changing color from green, to gold, coral to red and are beginning to fall gently to the ground. The blanket of fallen leafs nourish the soil while the tree stands silent and bare. Our lives are like trees full of color, and yet we experience an occasional fall season; pain, suffering and loneliness and letting go are like the body, mind, heart releasing the suffering like leafs falling. If only, like the tree we can stand naked and endure the silence, we will come to know the depth of growth and the joy of spring. I don't want to rush this autumn season. To stand fully present to the fallowness and stay with it so that in the silence I can know that God is working to prepare my soul for spring. I recognize as I write this, that in my deep faith, this gift of my faith, I can stand naked and silent for I know spring will come again. This is written for Joan and for all who experiencing a fallowness of heart.